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Telemarketing SUCKS

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Pro Wanka

Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:30 pm    Post subject: Telemarketing SUCKS Reply with quote

I've taken a job doing telemarketing, (don't hold it against me)
Edit: I've successfully been fired from that job!!!!!!!
Reason: Not giving enough of a shit!

Best and worst calls I had...

1. I had one guy on the line and hit something by accident on the keyboard, and I ended up with 2 guys on the line at the same time.
the two started talking to each other;

Guy 1: Hello?
Guy 2: Hello?
Guy 1: Yeah, what do you want?
Guy 2: what do YOU want?
Guy 1: What do you mean, "What do I want? You called me?"
Guy 2: (pissed off voice yells back)What are you on about, Dickhead, YOU called ME!

At this point I was covering the mic trying not to burst out laughing while looking for the hangup button quickly before they heard me piss myself as they argued about who called who?

2: promoting funeral insurance was the topic... some stupid replies you get of no interest are:
- "I'm too old to die"
- "I won't ever die"
- "I'm donating my body to science"
- "I will be buried in a wheelie bin and thrown in the garbage"
- "I'm rolling in money, so I don't need funeral insurance"
A lot of calls are of people just hanging up on you.... If these fuck-knuckles knew what was best, they would simply say "take me off the call list" instead of saying "Not interested" or acting like they have something stuck up their ass, and our calling them is the end of the world as everyone knows it. Instead they hang up... which results in the call being labeled as "not interested" which means you will still have your number on the system, and you will be called back sooner or later... if you don't want future calls, say it, that's all you need to do, being a dickhead and yelling and screaming and acting like a wanker is only going to result in a call back to do it all over again.... trust me, cause i grin evilly that people don't say "take me off the list" as I know they will just get madder the next time Very Happy

3. I fucked up a call today, it may be that funny because I am stuck here bored and doing the same bullshit all day, that it seemed funnier to me, but we are supposed to ask if customers "do you currently have funeral insurance for you or your family?" there is also another bit about asking if they may have seen the commercials on TV? I fucked up and couldn't hold a straight voice when I asked him, "Do you have funeral insurance for you or your TV?"

sometimes you wish you could say whatever you felt like back to customers... unlike when I was told we where going to be made redundant for our tech support roles at Telstra, so telling customers "Would you mind if I put you on hold for 30 to 60 minutes while I find someone who gives a fuck what you are bitching about" ... which I did, is not something I could do in this job.

But this job, I wish I could just say back the things I want; things like;
Me: "]we don't sell anything here, this is just a quick courtesy call to ask if you have ever heard of (product name) before?"
dick-wad I have called: "I'm not interested"
Me: "Did I ask if you are interested? I said have you fucking HEARD of it? Can your puny retarded brain comprehend the difference between the two questions?"

Other calls I wish I didn't have to look at the name and ask for them by that... when you get someone who answers the phone like a moron, I just want to say, "Hi, am I currently speaking to the main retard of this residence? you sound like you are the brains of the family, I don't think it's possible, but wonders never cease, so are you the head fuckstickle-pop of the number I have contacted?"

When cunts keep saying "No, i'm not interested" before I have even gotten through the first line to say I'm not selling anything, I just wanna say, "That's fine, we where going to tell you had won $20,000 bucks, but seeing as how you're not interested, you have now been marked as void. Thanks for your time, cock-breath. And have a shitty day."

One thing I have learned on this job... don't even try to sell anything to a wog!, The moment they suspect you may possibly be leading to something they might have to pay for, they become the rudest cunts you have ever heard, yell goodbye, or all of a sudden cant answer in English anymore: questions like, "Are you (their name)", "How are you" and "Is this number correct?" but all of a sudden they can't speak a word of English after that, "I NO UNDERSTAND ENGLISH TOO GOOD, BYE, BYE, THANK YOU, BYE BYE" and I wanna yell back "OK, YOU FUCKING TIGHTASS PRICK, FUCK OFF THEN, and I bet you understood THAT word, don't you?"

Some people are fucking morons when it comes to people calling them... picking up the phone and not saying anything... like being silent is going to work for them? I figured maybe some where physic mind readers, and wanted to talk via telepathy. So I would be silent too, and think to them, "You are a dumb-cunt, and I hope your next shit is square, your lucky numbers are 12, 11 and suicide".

I had certain people I would just hang up on right away in the end. If they didn't speak English, or had the accent, especially if they had one of those Greek surnames that used all by 3 letters of the whole alphabet, I wouldn't even say anything, I'd hang up the call.... fuck it, I was not going to waste my breath. If some stupid fucking teenager answered and couldn't contemplate a higher vocabulary level for himself other then rudely saying "NAUGHT" then they got hung up on, and I couldn't give a flying fuck if mummy or daddy was home right now to speak to.
The deaf people make me wonder why they even pick up the phone? They just yell in your ear that they are deaf, to speak up, and tell you that are not the company I told them I was from and had a wrong number, or would hear bits and pieces and say stupid things back like when I asked an old fart if she had seen the commercials on TV and she goes "Oh no, I sold my TV when I moved into this nursing home, I only watch the TV they have here"...

and most men in general... alot of the female workers around me said they preferred men, but I fucking hated most of them. I had a few decent guys who where polite and I manged to sign them up for a quote, but most of them where complete and utter dickheads. Talking loud on the phone, acting like fuck-wits, and leaving the impression that they are high contenders for 'wanker of the universe' awards.

I will never recommend anyone does a telemarketing job. Most people hate getting calls from Indians.... but you know what is worse then getting 1 call from an Indian? Sitting next to one for a full working day. Especially when he is not following the scripts, taking his job so seriously, and refusing to take no for an answer, so he is going into super Indian Telemarketer mode and saying unnecessary loud shit all day like "II TELL YEW WHAD I WELL DO FOR YEW, SHER. I WILL ORGANIZE FOR YEW TO RECEIVE A TOTALLEE 100 PERSHENT FREE QUOTE FROM (COMPANY NAME) FOR YOU, AND I WILL COME OVER AND WATER YOUR PLANTS AND KICK YOUR DOG" which always ended up in a repedtive. "OK, YEW HAVE A GOOE DAY, SHUR"

If that Indian guy wasn't bad enough, on the other side of my I had an Asian guy who talked very slow, and very gay sounding... so picture if you will, someone taking about 45 seconds to complete the sentence "Hello, my name is Tie Mi Shew, I'm calling from your mothers cunt, how are you today?"... and don't get me wrong, I am not being racist, there where other cool Indian and Asians there too I got along with well, but these two cum-britches where stupid, annoying, dumb and highly un-intelligent. The Indian one actually said to me "The person said she needed to change phones and put me on hold, and she has not come back, all I hear is music, how long should I stay before I hang up?" I said "how long have you been on hold?" he said "4:15" I shook my head and said, "Hang up, they are fucking with you" and thought to myself "what a fucking moron"

You see videos on youtbe about telemarketer pranks and ways to fuck with them... I'm glad to say I never fell for a single one.... if someone said "talk to my son/daughter" and they where an infant, HA, nice try and I hung up. If someone said hold on for a minute while I change phones or turn something down, then they got a total of about 5 seconds to do it or I was gone. And whenever someone had a rude tone, too loud, too soft, too woggy sounding, bad line, bad connection, didn;t like the way they breathed, that was it I hung up.... which is why I got fired... one of the reasons anyway... that and not bothering to try 2 to 3 sales pitches to get them to agree to have some other cunt call them back later about funeral insurance... if I wouldnt want it, why would they? if they said not interested, I hung up... fuck trying to sell it to them twice... so that got my the arse from that job.... well, that, and, probably the fact that all calls are recorded and monitored and after i'd hang up I would use one worded words to express my opinion of the person. Mostly it was, "wanker" "Cockhead", "Fuckwit", "Fuck Head", "Dumb Cunt", "Tightass", "Stuck Up Bitch", "I'm not interested in you either, cum-knuckle", Fuck you too, and the most used I beleive would have been "Just fuck off already" or "Piss off ____ (Insert any of the above word)"

This has been the most annoying job I have ever done. Learning that fuckwits pick phones up and slam them back down without even asking who is calling, morons who can't comprehend the difference between what you said and what they misinterpret, faggots who think I give a flying fuck what they have to say about anything at all, and peoples annoying tones on the phone, from the rude, to the stupid, to the retarded to the annoying and beyond.

By the end, if someone sounded like they where going to give me shit, I hang up... I learned that quickly, and didn't give a shit that I should still try to sell it to them 2 more times... I had had enough of peoples crap... but in the first couple of days, I had some stupid psycho woman go off her head at me, yelling out shit like why would I bother her, why would we ring her and blah blah blah... she was obviously a dumb-cunt if she asks me where I am from, so I told her and it escapes me what it was exactly she said, but my answer was "because thats the name of the company" and even she paused right then and realized that was the dumbest question she could possibly ask me. by the end of the call she told me to take her off the call list, but I just wish I had have copied her number and called her back later and blasted her out and told her she had been selected as dumb-cunt of the year, then maybe even take a phone around to her house personally to shove up her ass.

I think I might write a horror movie now.... in favor of telemarketers. Because the reality of the situation is, when your number comes up on our screen, it displays not only your name and number, but your full postal address. If you where to just push a telemarketer over the edge, they have your information right there in-front of them. And this is what I really wanted to say to that psycho-cunt-faced-bitch "You know something BITCH. It takes a very stupid woman to cuss out someone on the phone who had your number, your name, your address, your postcode and your bank account details. You can now fuck off and stay awake all night wondering if I'm the type of asshole who is going to fuck your financial life up, fuck you up, or fuck both of them right up. goodbye Mrs knickers-in-a-knot-shoved-sideways-up-your-cunt... i'll see you soon"

But of coarse that would get me not only fired, but probably fined, sued, jailed or what not.... so, better to put it into a movie script.... and add something in there about a killer spider under the rim of the toilet that gets pissed on while someone sits down on it, then the spider gets pissed off cause it gets pissed on and bites the persons genitals... that sure would be a cool movie wouldn't it? The Telemarketer strikes back... with killer spiders n shit.... i hope Jack Nicholson is in it.

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