maniac1075

[Maniac1075]

[I am glad the date went well, for a second there I thought I was going to have to rape you.

"I'm sorry, the orgasm you're trying to create is out of reach. Please retract and never enter again."

Do you believe in douching?

"Can you just pretend your dead?"
Wow. You suck at this

I'll give you a gold star if you can last at least 3 minutes..

"Wait... this is free, right?"

"don't worry about anal. My father showed me how to do it gently"

"Hold on, my dentures are falling out."

My ex sucked harder then that.

"I'm cumming!!!" and instead the person takes a shit

Oh you dont wanna use a condom, last time i did that i caught HIV

Are you sure this is legal dad?

"hey guys, i don't think she's breathing..."

dad, stop. seriously.

Either you're making my nipple lactate or I have cancer

it's ok it never hurt my sister before

Did you find a job yet?

Where did my watch go??

Hold it!!! I gotta take this tampon out.

They're not radio dials.

Nice outfit, I didn't know they made negligee's in size triple cow.

I canz haz buttsex?

Don't do that, they're brand-new.

"Tell your mom I'm not paying for the abortion."

"I've got $5 for you to give to your mom. She was right, she's way better than you."

Wow I've never been with somebody famous before, your pussy is all over the Internet

wow, it looked better when i watched you and your ex through the window last month...

Why are you looking at me like I finger banged your cat?

I just learned why I shouldn't go ass to mouth

maybe I AM gay."

Damn, you looked better on myspace.

Can we just hurry this up? I need to take a massive shit.

I think this is an inappropriate time to say that I got a hard on last night thinking of your father fucking your younger brother while screaming "Gotta catch 'em all huh? I will show you my fucking pokemans! Go Squirtle! Squirt, squirt, squirt!!!!"

Awww! It looks like a widdle snake with a sweater. Peek-a-boo!

I have really bad diarrhea but go ahead and put it in there anyway

any ladies here wanna have my abortion

What other holes do you have that I can put things in?

I think it's time to be serious. Can you sign this contract stating I did not rape you?

now, if you'd just stop pretending to almost be at your peak, you might actually be at your peak...

god dammit...now its infected

Oh, that wasnt your clit, it just exploded puss at me.

oh oops, just pull the string and throw it on the floor.

Fucking you makes me feel closer to your kids.... we both came out of your cunt.

I like big butts and i dont know why.

God! Are you done yet? It's been 1 minute since we started! You never take this long!

I'm gonna grab my balls, and pretend they are your boobs

If you fart later & it feels like your underwear has a balloon in them, it's probably just the condom that came off in your ass just now filled up with air.
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[thunderhayes]

Um, wha? HOLY ****, what's this?!

Something you never want to say to the "girl" you just brought home and went to finger/eat out/other pre-sex activities.