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Fart Jokes

 
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:06 am    Post subject: Fart Jokes Reply with quote

    Two Fags are in the shower fucking. While they were in the middle of having sex the phone rang. One of the men went to answer the phone and told the other man "Don't cum until i come back". the man agreed and the other went to answer the phone. He answered the phone and came back into the bathroom. When he got back he there was cum all over the bathroom. Cum was on the walls, mirror, and sink. It was everywhere. The fag said " I thought i told you not to cum until i got back". The other man replied " I didn't cum, I farted.

    "where the sun dont shine tomorow, let one rip, oh let it rip" - Hoodie and the blow dicks-1075

    You're such a tight-ass, when you fart its so high-pitched only dogs can hear it!-1075

    Your so poor you couldnt even make a cent if you farted in your pocket!

    Q: Whats the difference between a Faggot and a refrigerator?
    A: A Fridge dosent fart when you take the meat out of it!

    A young boy is taken by his grandfather to a prostitute for his first ever sexual experience! The grandfather says to the prostitute "start my grandson off on his sexual career, begin with a 69er" The prostitute and the kid get into place and she blew off a fart that nearly shattered his teeth! The little kid ran out of the room screaming "I'm not waiting around for another 68 of those"!

    Little Johnny was in class one day minding his own business. He has a teacher who would fart quite often and then turn around and blame it on the first student she saw. The day she farted and turned around to Little Johhny and said "Stop that Johnny". Johnny hopped and and said "Ok, which way did it go?"

    A little boy was very young, but also had been very gifted. He had the most enormous cock on any child any one had ever seen. One day it was such a hot day that one of his teachers was really in heat and couldn't keep her eyes off his huge crotch all day, her hormones got the better of her and when the end of school bell rang she told the little boy to stay in after class. So everyone left and went home and the teacher and the boy were alone. The teacher said "before you go home, I want you to play a game with me...she took off her pants and underwear and spread her legs and say back on one of the desks. She said, "I want you to stick your pee, pee in this hole and move it around". The little boy said "No way, my dad told me if I ever stuck this in one of those it would be bitten off". The teacher twigged straight away that the Father had told him that to protect him from being taken advantage of, so she thought for a moment and came up with an idea. She said, "Ok, I will prove it wont bite, take that broom handle there, and put it in, and I will show you its quite safe!" So the little kid takes the broom handle and puts it into her pussy, at that moment she farted quite loudly! The kid dropped the broom and walked out. The teacher's disappointed face said "but its safe, see?" The kid turned around and said, "No, I stuck a bit of wood in there and it growled, I don't wanna find out what it does to fresh meat!"

    Two flies are eating a peace of shit. One fly farts! The other says "you dirty prick, how could you while im eating?"

    An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!" The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks at both the beautiful women, she bends over, and farts....... "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!!!"

    A man was sitting on a plane reading a book. A few minutes later he ran up to the pilot and said, "Help! Help! I dropped my favourite book out of the plane! Can you please stop it?" "No, no, I am not stopping this plane for a book.", the pilot replied.
    Later another man ran up to the pilot and asked, "Can please land the plane? I dropped my lucky baseball." "No, I will not land the plane for a baseball!!!" A third man had dropped a grenade out of the plane. He quickly ran up the pilot and started yelling, "Stop, stop, I lost my grenade" "Alright, Alright!", he interrupts. "I will land the plane." When the pilot got out he saw two little boys crying. He asked them what was the matter, they replied something fell out of the sky and landed on them. One was a book and the other a baseball. A third boy came along and was laughing. The pilot asked, "What are you laughing about?" "I farted and my house blew up!"

    Two doctors are standing in a waiting room guessing patients symptoms on their coffee break. Guessing patients symptoms as they walked in the door, a man walked in and held his stomach and slowly walked, the first doc says "I think its gallstones" the second says "no, I say its back troubles" so they go over and ask him and say "excuse me sir my associate and I were guessing what your symptom is, and I say its Gaul stone and he says back trouble, which is it? The man then says "well, you thought it was a Gallstone, I'm afraid you were wrong, and you thought it was a back problem I'm afraid you were wrong, I thought I had to fart, I'm afraid I was wrong!

    A woman goes to see her doctor and the doc asks what's wrong? She tells him that she cant stop farting, since she's been in the office she's farted at least 20 times, but the weird thing is, there very silent, and don't make a sound, and they don't smell at all! The doctor writes out a prescription and says, "take these, and come back and see me next week" the week goes by. The woman returns to the doctor and isn't very happy, she says "whatever you prescribed has done something wrong, because now my farts are smelling god awfully bad!" The doc says, "Actually that's good, now that we've cleared your sinuses, lets see what we can do about your hearing!"

    I was in this place once all alone, and it was very late at night and pissing down rain, and i had no were to stay, and I met this really ugly lesbian with a tent...don't worry, she was so ugly as soon as I saw her I got a soft on, they used to push her face in dough to make gorilla biscuits...during the night she let go a fart that would bring tears to your eyes. One to nil she said, a couple of minutes went by and she let go another one, 2/0 she said.... i thought what the fucks going on? I asked "why are you farting like that and yelling out the score?" she said "well there's nothing much to do, I thought we'd have a farting contest!" so I let one go, "2/1" I said, I let go another "2 all" i said, she looked at me and said "you're fucking good" so she tried really hard, so hard that she shit the bed, she blew her whistle and said "half time, change sides" "

    A teenager is very nervous about meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time, Her mother invited him over for dinner and he took off his rags and comfort ware and dressed up really nicely, he was trying very, very hard to make a good impression! The nervous as hell kid arrived at his girlfriends and they sat down to dinner...The boy then felt something rumble inside him, and he almost panicked, he needed to fart, but no way was he going to let one go there at the table, he held it in as long as he could, but it just wanted out, so he figured he very carefully and delicately let it out as silently as he could...it started out soft and slow but then just built up into a loud FART... he shocked himself and hoped no one heard it, the father sniffed the air a couple of times, then looked under the table and kicked the family dog.....the dog didn't budge.......the boy then thought, oh thank god, he thought the dog did it......a phew minutes goes by and he has to go again, still very delicately he let it go, but it was a bit louder then he thought, and again the father sniffed twice and kicked the dog, but the dog still didn't move.......the boy figured, Cool, he thinks its the dog, .....a phew minutes later he doesn't hold back, he just lets it tear and shred his pants apart FFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
    The father then kicked the dog and yelled "WILL YOU GET OUT OF THERE YOU MUNGREL, BEFORE THIS BASTARD SHITS ALL OVER YOU!"

    A straight man walks into a gay bar, he knows its a gay bar but he really wants a drink and the nearest place to get a beer is 5 miles up the road, and he only has a 10 minute break from work. so he goes in and keeps to himself. He was very homophobic, if he'd have dropped his wallet he would have kicked it all the way out to the car park. He had a fear of those ass grabbing, tail gunning, rim taking donut punchers, so he was keeping very quiet, he sat at the bar, and one poof came along to sit on a stool next to him and the poof sank a little into the stool. And then another poof came and sat on a stool next to him on the other side. They ordered a drink too, and sat quietly keeping to themselves, and one secretly winked at the other one to say, "ok, lets find out" so one of the poof's cocks his leg and lets go a tiny little squeaky fart! The straight man thought it was weak. Then the other poof cocked his leg and out came a little shy bubbly fart! The straight man sort of begun to feel a little at ease and thought to himself "man there pathetic, I will show them how to really fart" so he cocked his leg and let go an all mighty ripping gurgler of a whopper that rocked the bar and made the glasses rattle. Suddenly the poofs jumped up and said "oh a virgin!"

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