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Top 10 Dumbest Cunts who ring up for tech support
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:05 pm    Post subject: Top 10 Dumbest Cunts who ring up for tech support Reply with quote

this ones real!!! Cause there the dickheads calling me



#1 - Customer: "I'm really pissed off, this is the 7th time I have called you guys and my computer is still not working, fix it now and I am going to be super pissed if it is not resolved on this call"
- Me: "Ok so what modem do you have?"
- Cust: "No, we have done all that, we have done all the trouble shooting before, it still wont work"
- Me: "So you did the ..."
- Cust: "I said we have done it all"
- Me: "Ok what about a ping test?"
- Cust: Yes we have....wait...a what?"
- Me: "OK, we will do a ping test, click the start menu for me"
- Cust: "I cant, my computer is in N.S.W and I am in Tasmania" (2 states away, 500 miles)
- Me: "Call back when your actually in front of your computer"
- "Cust: "AHHHH you mother f....*click, call terminated*





#2 - Cust: "I recently had my windows re-installed and now my homepage says http://bigpond.com"
Me: - "Yes, that is the homepage for this ISP"
Cust: "But I don't want that, I want www.bigpond.com
Me: - "Thats what it is"
Cust: "No, it says http://bigpond.com"
Me: - "Huh? Is it actually showing the homepage?"
Cust: "Yes"
Me: "Then what is the problem?"
Cust: "I want it to say www.bigpond.com"
Me: - "it does say that"
Cust: "No, I want the WWW/. at the start of it"
Me: "Are you retarded or something?"
Cust: - "I want it to say www., it always said www., so i can just continue the web names after www."
Me: - "So you want it to say www., so you don't have to type in www.?"
Cust: "Yes"
Me: - thinking "what a fucking idiot"

I knew how to change it, but because he was a dickhead, I reffered him to out premium support that charge about 30 bucks a call to tell him how to change it after bitching about there being no www. for 5 minutes cause he couldn't be fucked typing it in, even tho it takes longer to delete the current address in there to the point of a www. then it is to delete the whole address and type www. )




#3 - Me "I understand you are frustrated, but you do not have to yell at me, we are working on the problem for you as we speak"
Cust: - "No fuck this, get off the line"
Me: - "Fine with me, just means your internet isn't going to work, bye"
Cust - "OH shit yeah..., WAIT, WAIT WAIT WAIT *terminated call*




#4 - Cust: "I haven't used my computer in 3 months, and it's saying "Page cannot be displayed"
Me - "Ok, can you tell me what modem you have?"
Cust: - "Ummm, no, har har... its a white one"
Me: "Ok, does it have 2 wire written in big letters on it?"
Cust: "Oh, yes, it does. It's a 2 wire"
Me: "What are the lights showing on the modem doing?"
Cust: "there are none showing"
Me: "Have you got it plugged in and turned on?"
Cust: "Oh, wait a minute.... *30 seconds later*.... my internets working now.... so do I need this box turned on when I want to get the internet?"
Me: "doesn't hurt to have it on!"


i'm sure after i get home from work today, there will be a # 5 and #6



#5 -
Cust says something like... "I have been trying to get this thing working for 5 days now, I am a computer tech and I know a fair bit about these computers, and I feel like such a spaz for ringing you guys... now it's a 2071a modem, and the address 10.1.1.1 just will not display for me. I have turned off the firewalls, i even deleted it from the computer completly, I don't have an antivirus, there is no p2p software or anything running in the background, the lights are all green and should be ok, i've restarted and powered down about a million times, the connections are all good, the phone lines ok cause it works with my other modem fine, i've tried pinging and isp configs and all that stuff, the only thing I can not do is get to the modem password page and I am ready to throw this thing out the windows, it seems telstra modems are just a peice of shit, i thought i'd give in to my pride and ring you incase there is something I don't know, but if you tell me that is all that can be done, or try to reffer me to that premium support shit that charge a fortune for being useless as tits on nuns, i'm cancelling my connection with you clowns. so should I just throw this thing up against a wall or did I forget do something?"
-----All this time i'm trying to get him to shut the fuck the up so i can tell him the interface page is not 10.1.1.1
-Me - "You said the address was 10.1.1.1 thats for dlink or netgear modems or something, the 2wire is 10.0.0.138"
silence for ten seconds (he's typing it in)
---bit more silence......
---distance sounding... Cust Yells : "YOU FUCKIN SON OF A F" *SMASH* ....thanks for ya time mate" - *hangs up*

the sound at the end sounded like he smashed the modem completley!!!
His timing was perfect to block out the Fuck word when he smashed something!




#6 - cust: "I cant connect to the internet"
Me- "What modem are you using?"
cust - "I don't know"
Me - "Ok, what color is it?"
cust - How do I find that out?
Me - try looking at it


#7 I reset a password and after I reset it, I told the guy it was all lowercase, and he said "how do i do a lower case #6?"




#8 - Cust "SO YOUR TELLING ME I HAVE TO PAY FOR A NEW MODEM? THIS IS BULLSHIT, IT WORKED YESTERDAY, I BET IF I GET MY MATE TO LOOK AT IT, HE WILL MAKE IT WORK, THEN I AM GOING TO CANCEL MY BIGPOND ACCOUNT, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, HUH?"
ME - I'd be lying if I said I gave a shit, sir. would you like me to try and find someone to transfer you to who might actually give a fuck?... might take a fucking long time, tho. *terminated call*




#9 -
cust: - "My internet doesn't work"
Me: - "What modem are you using?"
Cust: - "I dont know"
Me: - "What color is it?"
cust: - "umm.... what does it look like?"
Me: - "Might be a black or white box next to the computer with green lights on it"
cust: - "Oh that thing, damn it, my husband and I had a fight last night and he took that thing with him to work this morning"
Me: - "Ok, you will need to get it back from him then"
Cust: - "Cant I get back on the internet first then get a modem later?"
Me: (thinking: You are a fuckwit)


#10
Cust: - My internet has not worked since the stroms the other night. I am waiting for the technitions to get our phones working again. But I was told that bigpond was running in the area again and to call you to get it back online.
Me: - Your phone lines are still out?
Cust: - Yes
(keeping in mind, i work for ADSL connections .... anyone else see the problem here?..... )

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Last edited by Maniac1075 on Fri Nov 21, 2008 3:33 pm; edited 18 times in total

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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So that's what you do for a living? Tech support.
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Till mid December anyway.... yad think a company that made a 45 billion dollar profit last year would keep the jobs in this country. But to make more money, there moving all the tech support to the phillipines where no one speaks english.
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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Philippines? Jeez, all our tech support gets sent to India...I don't know what's worse, calling up tech support and having to speak to someone who sounds like they could have a bomb strapped to their butt, or someone who can't even speak English (well, at least not partially)...
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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That has to take patience.
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Top 10 Dumbest Cunts who ring up for tech support Reply with quote

#5 -
Cust says something like... "I have been trying to get this thing working for 5 days now, I am a computer tech and I know a fair bit about these computers, and I feel like such a spaz for ringing you guys... now it's a 2071a modem, and the address 10.1.1.1 just will not display for me. I have turned off the firewalls, i even deleted it from the computer completly, I don't have an antivirus, there is no p2p software or anything running in the background, the lights are all green and should be ok, i've restarted and powered down about a million times, the connections are all good, the phone lines ok cause it works with my other modem fine, i've tried pinging and isp configs and all that stuff, the only thing I can not do is get to the modem password page and I am ready to throw this thing out the windows, it seems telstra modems are just a peice of shit, i thought i'd give in to my pride and ring you incase there is something I don't know, but if you tell me that is all that can be done, or try to reffer me to that premium support shit that charge a fortune for being useless as tits on nuns, i'm cancelling my connection with you clowns. so should I just throw this thing up against a wall or did I forget do something?"
-----All this time i'm trying to get him to shut the fuck the up so i can tell him the interface page is not 10.1.1.1
-Me - "You said the address was 10.1.1.1 thats for dlink or netgear modems or something, the 2wire is 10.0.0.138"
silence for ten seconds (he's typing it in)
---bit more silence......
---distance sounding... Cust Yells : "YOU FUCKIN SON OF A F" *SMASH* ....thanks for ya time mate" - *hangs up*

the sound at the end sounded like he smashed the modem completley!!!
His timing was perfect to block out the Fuck word when he smashed something!

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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like the computer tech needs to learn a bit more about his stuff.
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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've heard of this happening before, but it actually happened today!

I reset a password and after I reset it, I told the guy it was all lowercase, and he said "how do i do a lower case #6?"

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Last edited by Maniac1075 on Tue Oct 28, 2008 1:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 8:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn...sorry about the edit on your post there...

My mouse must've missed the "quote" button...I tried to restore it back to the best of my memory.

(Lays head on keyboard very quickly)

The part I was gonna reply to was the part about a lowercase 6.

Sounds like Homer Simpson trying to find the "ANY KEY" on his keyboard.
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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do that by accident too... dont worry about it. Hit the backspace key a few times, ya usually find the post there to copy and paste back into it to fix it.
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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 10:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Top 10 Dumbest Cunts who ring up for tech support Reply with quote

Cust: - My internet has not worked since the stroms the other night. I am waiting for the technitions to get our phones working again. But I was told that bigpond was running in the area again and to call you to get it back online.

Me: - Your phone lines are still out?

Cust: - Yes

(keeping in mind, i work for ADSL connections .... anyone else see the problem here?..... )

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Maniac1075
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Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 10:50 pm    Post subject: Re: Top 10 Dumbest Cunts who ring up for tech support Reply with quote

I havent said it yet, but i plan to one day....

"You cant be too fucking bright to piss off a guy who has all your credit card details infront of him you dumbcunt"

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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 10:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Top 10 Dumbest Cunts who ring up for tech support Reply with quote

I'm ready to kill the next dumb prick who when I say "You have a cable account, i'll just transfer you to them now" and they reply with "Ok, before you do that tho, let me just tell you what happend..."

what part of saying they're in the wrong section do they not understand?

do they think we're going to say, 'Oh, OK, I can magicly fix that, now that you told me your internet isnt working, how silly of me, i apologise, i thought you where enqiuring about ballet classes'

Second of all, I couldnt give a flying fuck what happend last friday to your net.... you ring us, your intenret or email doesnt work, just like every other fucking call we take.

that voice service should warn them.... "give your email address and details first, do not explain your problem first, cause we seriosly do not give a shit and if you are not in the right section, youre wasting your breath explaining your bullshit that doesnt need to be explained"

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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 6:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You've got ten...just that you've got two 7s.
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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

they where equels in the fuck wit department.
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