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Joke Of The Day
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deed rape
Team Killing Fucktard


Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 229
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There was a man who was interested in the history of a town and while driving around seen a old man sitting on a porch. He goes up and asks if the old man knew any of the towns history.

The old man say, "Yeah, I've been here a long time. You see that church up yonder? I built that church, but do they call me the church builder...no. These roads all used to be dirt until I paved every road in town, but do they call me the road paver...no. That school house up the road a piece burned down and I rebuilt it, but do they call me the school rebuilder...no. I put roofs on all those houses over there, but do they call me the roofing man...no. BUT,,,I fuck one sheep......."

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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied,

"I won her in a raffle!"

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deed rape
Team Killing Fucktard


Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 229
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A truck driver sees a black guy walking down the side of the road and swerves and runs him over and busts out laughing and continues down the road.

He comes across a priest who's car had broken down and offers him a ride. The priest accepts and off down the road they go.

Later down the road there is another black guy walking. The truck driver thinks Fuck, I can't run him over with the priest here. I know I'll act like I fell asleep and hit him. So the truck driver closes his eyes and the truck starts drifting to the shoulder and he hears a thud. He opens his eyes and says, "What was that, I kind of drifted into sleep, did I hit something?" Laughing, the priest says "You about missed him but I got that nigger with the door."

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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh deed, that joke is so wrong...it's good.
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thats just wrong, deed...... I fully support the people who had Klu Klux Kenieval banned from trying to jump over 50 black people in a steam roller!
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area51newmexico



Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Posts: 40
Location: Yorkshire, England

PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Roses are straight,
Violets are twisted,
Bend over love,
You're about to get fisted.

Roses are stupid,
Violets are silly,
Grease up your flaps,
Cos here comes my willy.

Roses are red,
But I like carnations,
You're so crap in bed,
That I fucked your Alsations.


-------------------

A woman looks in the mirror and says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly, please give me a compliment". "Your eye sight is spot on, luv" replies the husband.

--------------------------

A little boy asks his mum "Why am I black and you're white?" "I don't want to talk about it" replies the mum, "the more I think about that party, you're lucky you don't bark"


-------------------------

Man in pub, gets of bar stool, falls down. Man drags himself to the door, opens door and falls down. Man crawls home. Man gets to house and crawls into bed. The next morning, his wife asks "where you a bit drunk last night", he replies "whatever makes you think that". "the pub called, you left your wheelchair at the pub"


----------------------

Three things you should never say in a gay bar....
bugger me it's hot in here,
Fuck me this beer is cheap
And excuse me mate do you mind if I push you stool in a bit.
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Roses aren't always red
violets aren't always blue
but spread your legs open
i'll fuck till my knob is red and blue

A wife says to her husband, the doc told I need to find ways to lower my blood pressure.
The husband hands her a knife and tells her to slash her wrists.

She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face.

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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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KRAM



Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 34
Location: Scotland ye bass

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paddy and Mick go on a rollercoaster.

Mick says to Paddy.


"if we turn upside down do you think we'll fall out?"


Paddy says.. "will we fuck , we,ve been mates for years"
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KRAM



Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 34
Location: Scotland ye bass

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 3:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

NAME 6 GREAT KINGS THAT HAVE BROUGHT IMMENSE HAPPINESS INTO PEOPLES LIVES...














DRIN...KING
FUC..KING
LIC..KING
SUC..KING
SPAN..KING.....


AND MATTS FAV


WAN..KING.
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 3:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I could debate that, I am a master of debaters.
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deed rape
Team Killing Fucktard


Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 229
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q. What does Abe Lincoln, John F Kennedy, and Barrack Obama have in common?

A. Nothing yet.

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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



rape isnt funny unless your raping a clown

in a recent survey it was found 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."


The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

Q: Why did Michael Jackson put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So he could cum on it's face!


Tommy asks his friend: "So what did you get for Christmas?"
His friends replies: "I got a bike, a go kart, a quadbike, an xbox 360 with 30 games, a PlayStation 3 with 30 games, an electric guitar, a drum kit, a new PC, a laptop, a surround sound entertainment centre, a new watch, loads of clothes, loads of sweets, a holiday around the world, and loads more!"
To which Tommy replies: "Aww, I wish I had Leucemia"


Michael Jackson is having a bath with his son and his son asks, "Daddy, what's the difference on our willie's?"
MJ says, "Well for a start son, mine's is erect"


A little boy is excited that it's his birthday, but his familly seem to have forgotten.
He runs up to his dad in the study, and says, "guess what today is dad"?
The father has no idea and shrugs, "it's my 11th birthday" the kid says.
He runs into the kitchen and says it to his mom, "Guess what today is?"
His mom shrugs that she doesnt know. "I'm 11 years old"
The kid runs into the lounge where Michael Jackson is, and the kid says, "Guess what today is" - Michael puts his hand down the kids pants and plays with his tiny underdeveloped balls. Michael says, "Youre 11 years old today" the boy says, "Wow, howd you know that?" - Michael replies, "tee hee, I heard you tell your parents"

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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes
home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in
and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?"
The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman
came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
her right on the lips."
The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He
did??!"
The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking
on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."


So a teenage couple sneaks back at the guys crib at 1 am in the morning
They see that his little brother is asleep but they wanna have sex.
So the girl tells the guy she'll say tomato when she wants him to go faster and she'll say lettuce when she wants him to go slower and she'll say ham when she wants him to change positions
So the girl goes : "Lettuce Ham tomato, Tomato Ham Lettuce, Tomato Lettuce Tomato."
The little brother wakes up and says "Hey can you guys stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise all over me."


Harry the pimp has just hired a fresh new slut to work for him.
She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.
She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"
"A hundred dollars."
"Damn. All I've got is thirty."
"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
"A handjob," Harry replies.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.
He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"


A couple asked their ten year old son what he wanted for Christmas.
"I wanna watch", he replied.
So they let him.

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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Teletech Employee,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations.
Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties,
I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen
to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.
I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently
hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand
the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options.
You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you,
even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, sightlessly looking for fault in others.
You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview,
but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff,
hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution,
you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to
change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am Forced to tender my resignation,
however I have a few parting thoughts.

When someone calls you in reference to employment,
it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation.
The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment."
I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest,
because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

I have all the passwords to every account on the system,
and I know every password you have used for the last five years.
If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list",
which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files.
I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday,"
you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude.
Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are.
Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle,
but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring
of a glowing letter of recommendation.
(Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00am tomorrow.
One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never fuck with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

-Wishing you a grand and glorious day , the teletech pricks .

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