maniac1075

[Maniac1075]

Because I like to review things. Amazon.com doesnt have ARCADE reviews. So i'm posting it here weather you like it or not, fuck using any other sites to review these things.

[VLRGA]

I'll be the first one to congratulate ya on the new section!

[deed rape]

A video game section?...Finally a topic I excel at!
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[Maniac1075]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the ARCADE


In the 1980's the TMNT where one of the biggest things to explode into kids living rooms since Micheal Jackson on a drunken rampage. Konami only had to present 2 sticks farting and slap the TMNT logo onto it and they knew kids would shit qaurters into it all day, well, they did do that with there original NES game that had about as much to do with the TMNT as a cannibal cocksucker at a Hillary Clinton fan club meeting.



The second and best game from them was the TMNT Arcade game. Being able to play as all 4 Turtles in a kick ass side scroller that was a phenomenom in video games. I remember when the arcade machine first came to my local video store, there was always about 2 kids and teens standing around it and cheering on and giving advice to the players.



Starting off by making your way down a street and kicking the shit out of about 1000 footsoldiers, dodging big balls falling down stairs, destroying droids, things coming at you from the sky, those bastard little mouser robots and at the end of most levels you would get a boss to beat up, ranging from Rocksteay and Bebop to Baxtor Stockman and of coarse the Shred Dude and Krang.



The game only got released on one home system, the NES. It was as big as a phenomenom as the arcade, but the graphics sucked and it wasnt as easy to play because you didnt have money for lives you just had a few continues, plus there was 2 extra stages not from the arcade which made it suck actualy.



There was a sequal also brought to the NES, then an arcade sequal called Turtles In Time where Shredder for some reason sends the Turtles through time but doesnt leave them there, he keeps sending them from various places like the prehistoric days to pirate ships and all these other random places. The sequal wasnt as big as the original, but imo it was just as good.

The original arcade actualy was revived for the latest TMNT game on Xbox and PS2 as a bonus game inside the newer one to unlock.

I never knew anyone who didnt like this game, it was fun, fast paced, full of kick ass button mashing madness and a breath of fresh air with every new level. Especialy riding skateboards, hover boards and shit like that.



This game left kids screaming Cowabunga and I still play it now and then on MAME. It wasnt hard to beat, was hours of fun and the only thing that sucked about it was April O'neal didnt blow Splinter as a bonus to watch at the end.



The really cool thing now is on MAME you can set the controller to control all 4 turtles. It is alot of fun to do that, cause they get beaten up and knocked around alot, it doesnt actualy just have 4 turtles in sync with each other, it does look like 4 people are sepertly controlling them. COWAFUCKINBNUNGA
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Last edited by Maniac1075 on Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

[Maniac1075]

The Simpsons


This game is a forgotten classic but I bet everyone around my age remembers this great game. Made by the same guys who brought out the TMNT games, this game was very simmiler to that game featuring Bart, Homer, Marge and Lisa kicking butt through Springfield in hopes of rescueing Maggie who has been kidnapped for god knows what reason by Smithers and Mr. Burns.



When Konami got the rights to the Simpsons for a game, just like the TMNT game, all they had to do was have a stick figure just have to jump over peices of shit on the ground for the whole game, but they took the simmiler idea of the TMNT sucess and made a Simpsons version.



Why it's a fighting game, i dunno, I guess there isnt much choice in what the heck you do to make an interesting Simpsons game, but this one was a huge success.



Each charactor had a different weapen they used. Marge had the Vacumme cleaner to bonk the baddies on the head with, Lisa used the ever deadly skipping rope, Bart had his skateboard, and Homer was a bad ass who didnt use anything. Along the way you could pick up temporary weaopens such as garbage cans, boulders, mail box, sling shots.



But something the TMNT game didnt have was team moves! If you just had two players stand together for a couple of seconds, they would join up to do something. Marge and Homer would hug and form a donut shape to wheel around the screen with for about 30 seconds or untill they got hit, Bart and Lisa would join hands and double clothsline the bad guys, Homer would pick up Bart or Lisa and throw them, and I cant remember what Marge did with the kids, but lets just say it's nothing at all compared to what MJ would do to them. (oh, she does the same as Homer, it shows it in the pics)



The game seemed to be made around the time of the first series of the Simpsons. So if you remember the way they where drawn and animated was different to the way it is now, you'll be ok with it. There is alot of baddies to kill, mostly liek the TMNT game where they all look the same in different colors. Most are guys in suits and fake Krustys. But there are alot of familuer character along the way, tho, there as useless as tits on a nun. You see Patty and Selma, Grandpa, Millhouse and the nerd and a few others, but they just sort of stand around in the back ground or walk past as like an extra for the scenery. The baddie boss' consist of A big boxer, a bear, a big Krusty balloon, and various other jobbers till you reach Smithers and Burns.



The game featured some inbetween bonus rounds to earn extra lives and stuff that wernt hard to get, just mash those buttons.



To my knowledge the game was never released on anything else, tho looking on google at pics, it might have been. But couldnt have been as popular because this game would be better remembered today as it was then if the Nintendo or something hadve converted a version of it. And also on a final note, just like the TMNT game, on MAME you can set it to control all four players and it rocks your socks off that dont leave you having a cow man.
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Last edited by Maniac1075 on Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

[Maniac1075]

RUN 'N GUN



Ok, this game was a breath of fresh air for basketball fans who played video games. It had a view from behind the ring which was unique at the time. Games today let you pretty much set the camera angle to wherever the fuck you want it, but this was the first to do something like this.

The graphics are good, the sound is ok, but the game play and control response suck. You eventualy just get pissed off with the controls not doing what you want, you end up trying to block a shot or a dunk and end up hitting steal and it wont let you stop it in its track and go for the block, it sux because a steal takes like a whole second from start to finish and thats all it takes for your opponent to fart over your head and slam it through with there dick in your face with this shit eating grin on his face like, "hows that for a facial, bitch"

A friend got me to play this with him once or twice many dogs balls ago, and ever since i found MAME i wanted to track it down and get it but it wasnt till this week I actualy found out what the fuck it was called because Google and every other fucking search engine like to show you jack shit on what your looking for, instead i found about 200 useless arcade games for sale where you throw the ball in hoops to score tickets to cash in at the vg bar to win piss weak shit that would be cheaper to buy one then waste 100 bucks trying to get 1000 tickets, but fuck that, back to the review of this shitty 1 player game.

You get a choice to play 1 player or 2 player.... oh yippie yi yo ki fucking yey. Then you select your team, which are all the NBA teams cities, but without the team name. The players are just PG, SG, SF, PF & C. So there is no names to go along with them. It's not hard to tell that these players are based on NBA players tho, they all look like Scottie Pippen, Hakeen Olajuwon, Larry Johnson and god knows what other fuckless wonders.

I remember when i played it years back it was great, it was fun, it was cool, it was ball tearing madness of adrenilen and laughs... but when you play it on your on, it's sucks donkey ass so hard you can hear the donkey shit splatter into the splatter of the splatter like hitting a brick wall in the back of whatever cocksuckers throat made the fucking computer so fucking hard to beat.

All you can do is steal and block for defense, or shoot and pass for offense. There is an alley oop button, and you can do some cool dunks, but whatever you do, dont try and beat the computer. They block everything and steal everything in the 4th quarter, the fuckers seem to go into cheat mode and nail every god damn shot they take, even when there up by 100 points they still go for a 3 pointer and nail it 90% of the time with 40 seconds to go, making it impossible to beat them then. They reject all alley oops, and on average i think you can hit about 1 in ever 20 3 point shots.

At least in games like NBA jam it lets you catch up and gives you the advantage when your down, but this peice of shit just kicks your ass and and refises to be fair. There are no codes for this game, there is jack shit, and god knows if theres an ending cause i didnt bother after losing to the same team 100 times after i'd kicked there ass for 3 quarters then they just bullshittingly take the ball away everytime and nail everything. Fuck that for a joke, these games are supposed to be fun, not make you wish there was a code to punch every fucking player out cold and stomp on there balls so hard they shoot out there nose and you aim a crotch stomp accuretly so that there projectiling texticles shoot out there nose and straight towards the fucking basket.

The only good thing about this game is when you play it on 2 player, then its a lot of fun and enjoyable. But against the computer is a stressing pile of monkey shit that sucks massive amounts of dick.

At least the SNES got a simmilar version to this called "NBA GIVE N GO" which may not have lesser graphics, but it's a fuck of alot better to play then this peice of shit. What this game needs is either a foul button or a shove button, a punch button and secret moves to to purposley knock out your opponent by kicking the basketball into there nuts, or get on the mortal kombat wago and have the players rip off there opponents heads and use that as a basketball. The least they couldve done was made it fair and have 3 point shots go the fuck in more often then they do in this king of the bullcrap fucking queerdo shit.

The best stratagy is to just try and dunk the fucking thing, but expect the computer to block it eventualy and go on a fucking rampage of steals and 3 pointers and bullshit triple alley oop slam ins and your team not playing one bit of fucking defence... thats no joke, if you dont grab a rebound, they just stand there like the game is paused or something and watch the fucking ball fly through the air, rebound off the rim and straight into the hands of the opponents. And the same happens when you make a quick steal and knock the ball out of the oppositions hands, the ball hits the ground and every just stands there in a daze, untill either you get it or the computer gets it, and usualy the computer will get the fucking thing, or you will pick it up, be in the open, go for a dunk and BAM, someones come out of nowhere to block it.

Fucking peice of shit.

UPDATE:
I found out you can add cheats to the game, so I used one where you score 100 points. And i beat the thing to see what kind of ending it had and well, IT SUCKS. It says congradulations and game over after it rolls the credits of who made the game. Too bad there wasnt a cheat to disable the annoying fucking replays made on every crappy shot.



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[Maniac1075]

Street Fighter: The Movie


Only ever released on the arcades, it did spawn two simmilar but not the same games on sega saturn and something else. This game based on the shitty movie based on the game is actualy pretty good, but the lack of liking to the crappy movie it's based on probbaly only had an appeal to Die Hard Street Fighter II fans and those curious to see what it's like.

When i first played it, I got my ass kicked, so thats probably why it didnt do so well in the arcades, theyd play it once or twice and give up. But playing it on MAME i thought at first I was going to hate this thing but after a bit of practice and getting used to it, you find it's actualy a pretty good game.

The graphics are of the style of Mortal Kombat, it's actualy motion captures of the actors from the movie themselves including Jaun Claude Vanne Damme (Guile) Kylie Minouge (who fucked up the role of Cammy) and Raul Julia (Bison, R.I.P). They apparently filmed these things of each actor during the filming of this movie and unlike in the movie, these charactors to actualy do all the moves they did since the version of Super Street Fighter II Turbo, but they each all also have all new moves to preform as well.

Some charactors are easier to beat then others, I find Zangief and Vega about the easiest to beat and Akuma is the hardest mother fucker to beat. And no suprise, as i expected the day i sat there trying to beat Akuma after 100 rounds, i thought to myself, i bet once i get past him that the last boss Bison is no where near this hard"...and i was right, i kicked his ass and finished the game.



The endings arnt much, about 2 or 3 still screens with a bunch of crap written on them of what there going to do next, then a nice little clip from the movie of Raul Julia saying, "GAME OVER"

Whats interesting about this game is it introduced new combo systems to do, apparently now its an esentiol part of SF games, but i aint played many of them since the 100th version of Super Street Fucker To Fucking Turbo Champoin Hyper mother fucker edition. With each charactor you can work out different combos to use... for eg; you duck with Guile, and press the heavy kick and you hold down, he does two spinning sweep kicks, then you press up and kick and he executes a double hitting flash kick and you end up with a 4 hit combo... then you can also do these new moves when you get your special bar up all the way and you can execute a super move that can be up to a 16 hit combo if goes right.

Its a much tougher challenge then the previous SF games before this one, it requires a new statagey aswell. Which is a good thing, cause it makes you think of how to get around shit instead of just blasting out a million fireballs and having a Ha-do-ken stand off.

It features the charactors shown in the pic, the only cunts from the movie not to make it where Dee Jay, who was a dork in the film and not a Jamacin kick boxing champ like the games, Carlos Blanka, but i do beleive he made it into the Saturn version, and Dr. Dimsim who was a scientist in the movie instead of an Indian Yoga master who could fling his dick out accross the screen and choke you with it, but he does get a mention in the game where you fight in Dhalsims lab.

Not a bad game at all if you have the patience to get used to it and learn a new stratagey of playing... altho, you may wanna get the MAME cheats going and chose the invincibilty thing to get through it. Its not impossible to beat, I did do it once or twice without cheating, but a lot of continues. And the cheat file will also allow you to access the 3 hidden charactors in the game. They all look like Blade, one if silver, one is black and the others kind of a yellow/brown army color. The first two seem to be just the same but the 3rd guy had some cool moves simmilar to Dimsims fire spitting shit.

Review OVERRRRRRRR
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[Maniac1075]

ARCH RIVALS



Ok, i've done enough basketball games for a lifetime, but i wanted to quickly review this forgotten classic. If anyone tell's you that NBA JAM was the first game of it's kind to be played that way, there wrong. Made by the same people who in the future would create NBA JAM is this much lesser known classic called Arch Rivals.

Two on Two basketball action with a twist, or should I say a fist. When playing defense or you dont have the ball, you can hold a button down to hold your fist back then let it go to smack the opponent flat out on his ass. You can also hold it down and hit the other button to take a flying leap at them and if you get them, you will dack there shorts and they will drop the ball.



It may be a little outdated by todays standard of gaming, but i still pop this one on from time to time for a laugh. I first owned the NES version of this which rocked aswell, but recently i found out it actualy was an arcade game, the graphics where abit better then the snes and i dont remember the dacking part looking that way, so the Arcade has to be better then the nes version then, but both of them still are as great as each other.

Another really cool thing is if you dunk from far enough back in the key you can smash the backboard, and who doesnt enjoy doing that? The thing remains broken for the rest of the qaurter.

There isnt any modes other then play against the computer or a friend, but it didnt matter, this game is still fun and funny to play, who wouldnt have fun punching the shit out of someone just to get the ball and then shatter the back glass with a slam dunk to victory.



I guess if id read the box it would say its based ont he arcade.


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[Maniac1075]

Been a whole since I wrote one of these.... but this game almost convinced me to start a "Games that suck major amounts of dick" topic.



Battle K-Road
"Battle K-Road is a one-on-one beat 'em up arcade game released by Psikyo in 1994. The game is based on the real K-Road Tournament which was banned in every country because of its no-rules, survival of the fittest attitude, which attracts ruthless international fighters" - Wikipedia

Oh if wikipedia would only go on to tell you how much this game both sucks and blows.

As you can see, it is a direct rip off of Street Fighter II.... however, thats not a bad thing, there have been many games that have had major success in copying the SF style (Mortal Kombat, Art Of Fighting etc...)

However, this one adds it's own little twist that makes it suck more massive amounts of dick then Gowash1 and that "Cows it going" fag combined.

Who thought it would be a good idea to let you fight in almost slow motion? It's like playing a bad demo of a game, the fighters don't move around with speed, it's like 3 frames for a jump kick that lasts 4 seconds. WTF?

Then someone had the great brain fart to say, "let them get two good hits, and the guy goes down, but doesn't drain all his energy, instead, it starts the round again .... WTF????

It was more annoying then playing a game against my 9 year old niece who keeps pausing the fucking game every 15 seconds to scratch her head or to cock her leg sideways and smirk at me till I smell what she's done.

And the characters are supposed to be based on a real life event.... so wtf is a Terminator clone, Ryu clone and an E.Honda clone doing in it... let alone a fucking Bear, named Mr. Bear!

If you hate someones guts, and don't mind allowing them the opportunity to never regain the 30 minutes of there life they wasted playing this douche-vomit of a game... recommend this game to them.

this shitty game, not my video, i wouldn't waste my time doing one


may as well have called them Ryu vs Demolition Man

look, it's a fuckin bear.... WTF?


Graphics: Decent
Game play: Sucks balls
Sound: Typical old shit
Replay Value: none, unless your an inbred retard who thinks Epic Movie is actually funny.
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