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Limericks

 
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 7:16 pm    Post subject: Limericks Reply with quote

Lets get some limericks goin' ... you can make 'em up yaself, there easy. Give them a go, you can do them.

Remember, the dirty ones are usualy only the memrable ones. No one ever remembers the clean ones.


My All Time Fave
There once was a guy named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He thought, "Oh what the hell...
...I'll get used to the smell...
...And think of the money i'll save"

There once was a girl named Maria
Who got infested with gonoreah
to keep her hubby from getting glum
she let him root her up the bum
except on days when she had dioreah


There was this chick named Simone
who used lubricant to aid her moan
but one night she fucked up
grabbed the glue & her hand got stuck
Now that will teach her to leave it alone


There once was a girl named Jill
Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill
They found her vagina
In north Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil


There was this girl sarah who was a slut
her pussy lips like her legs where never shut
She charges a small wage
just before they got laid
Then she gave them change for there buck


There once was a guy named Craig
Who was on his way to a hookers place
So he asked his mum
if would $50 be enough for fun up the bum
she said, "I dunno, thats not my usual wage"


There once was a dickhead named Phill
Who thought condoms where for dills
9 months later he gets a call
from the maternity ward
That'll teach the dopey cunt to trust the pill


There once was a girl named Kelly
who entered a badger eating rally
When taste time came
she was to blame
for poisning everyone with her jelly


There once was a whore named Jamima
Who charged $5 to stick it in her vagina
Guys cocks would explode
when they dropped there load
and left a gooey old tip inside her


There once was a guy named Dean
Who jacked of in a theatre to the gal of his dream
He sprayed his stream
all over the theatre screen
and fucked everyones veiw of the final scene


How about some more familuer names?


There once was a guy named Cliff
who went to a public dunny for a piss
a poof stood next to him
gave him a come-on grin
and Cliff pissed off real quick


There once was a girl named Val
Who had a secret she dont like to tell
while on the can
her daddy would stand
taking snap shots of her cheesey gel


There once was a guy named Angus
Who met a girl named Agnus
She hadnt washed her cunt
in god knows how many months
but he said "it still tastes better then haggus"



come on, make up some yaselves
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Last edited by Maniac1075 on Sat Aug 06, 2005 7:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yer makin' rhymes 'bout me, fool? Here's one just for you:

There once was a guy named Matt
Who was getting huge and fat
Someone told him to diet
And since he didn't want to try it
He rolled on top of them and made 'em flat.
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing I knew it!!! I absolutly knew it!!!!!

I knew you would write one back back and it would be "Matt" & "Fat"!!!!


Besides, how do you know it was meant to be about you? How do you know it's not another Valerie who's daddy took a picture of her on the can? Twisted Evil

There once was a girl named VLRGA
Who went and ate a burger
Her ass got fat
and so did the rest of her as a mattar of fact
But it wasnt because of the burgur!


no wait, that one sucks I can do alot better.

There was a mistress of sin
who went out binge drinkin'
She met her spouse
in the deep deep south
when she sobered up she found out her husband was kin


no wait..... I can do a better one....

There was a gal from pensilvaina
who wanted to go to transilvania
but she was too imbarrsed
cause the travel agent had-a
picture of her on the can sent to her e-mail buy mania (c)


wait, wait, wait one more..... I havent hit the money yet....

There was a girl named Valerie
who earned $10 weekly in salary
she thought i could get more
by being a whore
And earn more if they like licking cheese

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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Once there was a Maniac
Who wasn't much of a brainiac
Once day he was found
Splattered over the ground
'Cause he took a nap on a train track.

There once was a dude named Matt
Whose girlfriend had tits that were flat
She would moan and moan
For implants of silicone
Until she gained enough weight to get tits of fat.
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HGHWYtoHELL7



Joined: 12 Jul 2005
Posts: 32
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There once was a guy named Phil
who was once on the pill
because he looked down there
and relized he was queer
he changed his name to Jill

HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE
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HGHWYtoHELL7
(Killar Guitarist)
Lead Guitar of No Evil
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 3:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Try ryhmying one for "Matthew" hehehe


There was a guy named highwaytohell7
Who enjoyed a laugh around about 11
And even he thought that the
potty pics Vals dad took where a good laugh
especiely the yellow stain around the porcilen

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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There once was a guy named Matthew
And the ladies thought he was true
But a man gave him desire
And something rose higher
So that other man then got blew!

There once was a guy named Brian
In the kitchen he was fryin'
The assistant cook said
"I'll give you head"
When he found out she was really a man, he was cryin'!

There once was HGHWYtoHLL7
He felt like he was in Heaven
His girl would turn out the lights
And give him great nights
But got busted when the cops heard she was eleven!
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 1:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HA...!!! HA...!!! HA...!!!!! BRO.
5 stars for that last one!!!!! Unless you didnt write it yaself



There once was a man from Boston
Who took out his balls to wash 'em
His missus said, "Jack...
...If you dont put them back...
..I'll put them on the ground and squash 'em"


There was a hamaphrodite Elf
Who had two sexual organs and one mouth
Which means when giving Santa head jobs
At the same time he would satasfy his own sprogs
simply by fucking himself


There was these 3 sluts on wooden stools
Who thought deep pussys where cool
the first two chicks said
even with a witches cone I could fit ten in there
the 3rd one just laughed & slid down the stool


3 vamps sitting in Cafe Le Morca
had a waitress come take there order
The first one said I'll have coffee
The second one said I'll have tea"
pulled out a tampon & said, "so just bring me some hot water"


There was a honry sheep fucker named Bruce
Who would straddle pigs, chickens and goose
But one quite night on the farm
Without warning or alarm
He got payed back by a moose


There is this girl named Valerie
Who can lick both of her mammaries
She can suck start a leaf blower
and fart out a goafer
Now aint she the talent of the fammilly!!!

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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There once was a lady named Ellen
She was a convicted felon
In jail, there was no hope
Of ever getting any soap
Boy, was she ever smellin'!

There once was a man named Lance
He took a vacation to France
His trip happened to reach
Onto a nude beach
Where he stripped off his shirt and pants.
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There was a girl named Reitz
Who smelled of old stinky feet
but the smell got worse
when she took off her shirt
her B.O was so bad I couldnt breath!

But one thing about Miss Retz
That smelled worse then her B.O & Feet
Was when her boyfriend
pulled down her underwear
And choked on the stench of her cheese


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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 4:46 am    Post subject: Re: Limericks Reply with quote

There is this angel named Deloris
Who does not resemble a walrus.
For some reason she
Is in love with me
Unless I hang shit on Walmart then i'm really in for-it!


(Works with my accent!)

There is this pretty lady
Who drives me fucking crazy
because she put a steering wheel on my cock
And races me around the parking lot
And she squashes my balls to breaky


There is a bueatiful women named Dee
Who always has to take a pee
Always at every time
It's when I say goodnight
She ends up saying be-right-back, baby


(personal joke, Dee 'el get it)

There is this hot baby named Malcolmlust
Who's got an incredible bust
It may not seem like I have any respect
For those balloons that always make me erect
But what do I care what you think when i'm the one who gets to play with them whenever i want, so nah nah nah nah nah ..|.,


There was this prick named Franky
Who tried to move in on my hanky panky
He found himself without
his little descion making stout
Now he cant even have a wanky


There was a pain in the ass but what a minx
Even tho shes a total fucking jinx
But I love her like that
you cant teach an animal to fuck like that
Besides, anals one of my kinks

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shelley72



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The duchess whilst pouring the tea
Asked me do you fart when you pee?
I replied with quick wit
Do you wank when you shit?
I think that was 1-0 to me.

Shell
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Cunty Bollocks....
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Maniac1075
Pro Wanka


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There once was a girl named Mel
Who's cunt was skanky and smelled
but I went down on her vagina
I stuck 11 oysters inside her
and I ended up licking out 12

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thunderhayes
I dont care about you, just about me


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 447
Location: Smyrna, GA, USA

PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i did not write all of this one:

There once was a guy named Trebek
who had the world's tiniest dick
One day Connery was on Jeopardy
how he's a rock star, i don't know
but he rocked that fucking game show
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