maniac1075

Maniac1075 · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:03 pm Post subject:

SON: "Dad, whats a transvestitie?"
DAD, IN A LOW GIRLY VOICE: "Go ask your mother, son"
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VLRGA · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:57 pm Post subject:

deed rape · Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 9:16 am Post subject:

A new report from the Pentegon said that there were too many generals in the military so they were going to give some of them an early retirement with a bonus. For the bonus they would measure from one part of their body to another part of their body. For each inch in measurement they get a $1,000 bonus.

The first general was an Army General. He requested to be measured from the tip of his head to his toes. He measured 72 inches so he got a $72,000 bonus.

The next one was a Air Force General. He raised his hands above his head and requested to be measured from the tips of his fingers to his toes. He measured 108 inches so he got a $108,000 bonus.

The last general was an old beat-up looking Marine Corps General. He requested to be measured from the tip of his dick to the back of his ballsack. The ones doing this asked if he understood what they were doing and the General said yes and wanted that part to be measured. So they call in a doctor and the doctor starts measuring. He is half way down the penis when he notices the General is missing his scrotum. He asks where the General's scrotum was and the General replies, "Lost them back in Vietnam."
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Maniac1075 · Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 1:57 pm Post subject:

Q: why did god invent yeast infections
A: so women know what its like to live with an annoying cunt.
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deed rape · Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 2:04 pm Post subject:

This ain't a joke but someone may find it funny.

I was watching the local news the other morning when a commercial for a local business came on. The business was called Pest Management System...they are exterminators. At the end of the ad it put up their phone number, street address and initials of the business...PMS. Then they have the guy doing voice over reading off everything on the screen.

I wonder if they meant to do that with the initials.
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deed rape · Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 1:18 pm Post subject:

I was listening to the radio the other morning. There was a guy bitching about someone doing $175 worth of damage to his truck. One guy asked, "What happened, someone run into you?"

The guy replied, "No, they stole it! And if I find out who done it I'm gonna hang their ass!"
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Maniac1075 · Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:19 pm Post subject: Few Drunken Oirish Sayings

* A windy day is not the day for pissing outside.
* You must live with a person to really hate a person.
* Better the warmth of a sheep than the coldness of a wife.
* A narrow neck on the bottle keeps you from throwing up in it.
* Never piss in a pot o' gold!
* It is better to be drunk in bad company than at home with loved ones.
* May the Irish hills caress you and cop a feel when no one is looking.
* May the floor rise up to meet you!
* I complained that I had no shoes...Until I met a man who had really ugly shoes.
* A prayer that all the poor leprechauns be employed by George Lucas!
* If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear very bright ... until they speak.
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deed rape · Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:22 am Post subject:

There was a man and his little nephew at church one Sunday. The kid asks, "What are the yellow ribbons strung up around the church for?" The man says, "It pays respect for those people who died in the service." Then the kid asks, "Which service? The 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock?"
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Maniac1075 · Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 4:18 pm Post subject:

birds apply 6 months in advance to be on a waiting list to appear everytime she is near.
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deed rape · Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:16 am Post subject:

In class one day, a teacher was having the students write exciting words on the board. It was Jimmy's turn so he put"." on the board. The teacher asks what was so exciting about a period and Jimmy says, "I don't know but my sister said she missed one and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and my neighbor shot himself."
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Maniac1075 · Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:32 pm Post subject:

A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry." Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see... Fun period ... fun period ... fun no period ... worry, worry, worry!"
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area51newmexico · Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 40 Location: Yorkshire, England

Your mamas so fat… when she was diagnosed with that flesh-eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live
Your mamas so fat… when she dances she makes the band skip
Your mamas so fat… she puts mayo on aspirin
Your mamas so fat… her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
Your mamas so fat… when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts
Your mamas so fat… her drivers license says ‘picture continued on other side
Your mamas so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
Your mamas so fat… all the restaurants in town have signs that say ‘maximum occupancy: 240 patrons or your mama
Your mamas so fat… when she gets in a lift she HAS to go down
Your mamas so fat… she was born with silver shovel in her mouth
Your mamas so fat…she’s got smaller fat women orbiting her
Your mamas so fat… I had to take a train and 2 buses to get on her good side
Your mamas so fat… she has to iron her pants in the driveway
Your mamas so fat… she’s on BOTH sides of the family
Your mamas so fat… she could sell shade
Your mamas so fat… when she crosses the street, cars look out for her
Your mamas so fat… people jog around her for exercise
Your mamas so fat… when she goes to a restaurant she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate
Your mamas so fat… if she got her shoes shined she’d have to take their word for it
Your mamas so fat… she has to put her belt on with a boomerang
Your mamas so fat… when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party
Your mamas so fat… she can’t even jump to a conclusion
Your mamas so fat… she was walking down the street, I swerved to miss her and I ran out of petrol
Your mamas so fat… that when she went to school she sat next to everybody
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area51newmexico · Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 40 Location: Yorkshire, England

May I post an other?

A young Iranian was signed by Liverpool FC because the scouts said he was brilliant.

Manchester United come to town and is battering Liverpool 4-0. The Liverpool manager calls the new Iranian lad from the bench and brings him on with 20 minutes to go. Within 15 minutes the kid has done some fantastic skill and scored 5 goals. Liverpool win 5-4

Later he calls him mum

"mum, mum I’ve just scored 5 goals in 15 minutes and we won 5-4"
"oh that’s fantastic. Meanwhile your dad stepped out of the door and got shot. The house has been ransacked and me and your sister have been repeatedly raped"

"oh mama I’m so sorry", replied the footballer.

"You should be it was your idea to move to Liverpool in the first place!"
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www.area51newmexico.com

Maniac1075 · Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:23 pm Post subject:

Yo mommas like a soccer goalie...... she changes her pads once every few periods.

Q: What has two legs and bleeds?

A: Half a kitten!
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