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Jokes to Offend Everyone

 
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area51newmexico



Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Posts: 40
Location: Yorkshire, England

PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 10:47 pm    Post subject: Jokes to Offend Everyone Reply with quote

A Chinese couple is in bed. The husband says I want 69. His wife says
"why you want Beef and Broccoli now?"

A Polish family is sitting in the living room. The wife turns to
The husband and says "Let's send the kids out to P-L-A-Y so we can fuck.

How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital? He's the one
blowing the foam off of his bedpan.

How can you tell if a girl is a redneck? She can suck a dick and
Chew tobacco at the same time, and know what to spit and what to
swallow.

Why don't Italians have acne?
It slides off.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a black baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong

What's the best thing about a blowjob?
10 minutes of peace and quiet.

Did you hear they came out with a new Selena doll?
Ken and Barbie needed a maid.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A Mechanic.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
The other?
A Speech Impediment.

What do you call a German tampon?
A Twatstika.

Definition of a nice Greek Boy....
A Greek boy who takes a girl out twice before screwing her brother.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.

What do toilets, clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
NONE- He fell

Q. Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?
A. They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.

Q. What is the first thing a blonde hears in the morning?
A. "See ya."

Q. What is the first thing a brunette hears in the morning?
A. "Sssshh. I have to call my wife."

Q. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
A. The survivors were marooned.

Q: What do Jimmy Hoffa and Linda Tripp have in common?
A: Nothing... yet.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

[/b]
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deed rape
Team Killing Fucktard


Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 229
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you call a black guy in a three piece suit?
The Defendant

What do you say to a black guy in a three piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 1558
Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: Whats got 12 legs, 12 arms, one ball and no brains?
A: The Manchester United starting line up.


Q: Whats a mile long and has an asshole at each end?
A: A police speed trap.




The man above was arrested this week after police raided his home. They found class A drugs in the basement. Class B narcotics in the living room & Class 3C in the bedroom.
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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha ha, he actually makes a pretty good woman.

I've probably told this before, but: Why did the pervert cross the road? His "organ" was stuck in the chicken!
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Maniac1075
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's a DICK...... dammit, act your age, Val.
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VLRGA
The Little Sister Maniac Never Wanted


Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 487
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do you know what "organ" I was talking about? Maybe the perv stuck a removed kidney into the chicken. Maybe (God forbid) he molested the poor chicken with a real organ (that you see blowing out the tunes in churches), for all you know! Twisted Evil
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Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 229
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A jew man and a Chinease woman have a kid. The jew wants a jewish name for the kid while the Chinease woman wants a traditional Chinease name for the kid. After a while arguing it over they settle on the name "Cha Ching."
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Maniac1075
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Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Because you're not talking about Aussiebruce Razz
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Team Killing Fucktard


Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 229
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: What's the difference between a Yankee and a Damn Yankee?

A: A Yankee comes down to The South then goes home while a Damn Yankee comes to The South and doesn't leave.

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shelley72



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What has 60 legs and no pubes???

Front row of a Backstreet Boys gig...


What do thrush and women have in common...

They are both irritating C***s

Shell
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Maniac1075
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
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Location: Hellbourne

PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:07 am    Post subject: Re: Jokes to Offend Everyone Reply with quote

Michael Jackson admitted he will have sex with 6 year old girls after all. He said once you turn them around and stick it up there ass, there just like a 6 year old boy anyway.
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