maniac1075

[Maniac1075]

Q: Why do homies love basketball so much?
A: It involves, Steeling, Shooting and running.
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[angusrocks5]

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".
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"We're a rock group. we're noisy, rowdy, sensational and weird"

Angus Young

[Maniac1075]

whats worse then sticking 11 oysters up grannies..... no, wait i've done that one.

This old couple, well into the 70's are feeling a bit friskey. They havent had sex in many years and she desides she wants to break the drout. She leans over and says to him, "wanna push the bets together and have it off?"

They push there beds together and the man says he will be back shortly. She says, "where are you goin?" He says, "down to the drug store to buy a condom"

The old lady smiles and says, "Silly man, I'm way too old to get pregnant now" the old man replies, "thats not what i need them for, whenever my dick gets wet, it gets arthritos"
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[VLRGA]

Q: How do rednecks tell if a girl is old enough to marry?
A: Stand her in a barrell. If her head is above the rim, she's
old enough. If it isn't above the rim, cut the barrel down a little.

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

[Maniac1075]

you dirty filthy girl, thats why we loves ya.


Q: If you had 2 balls in your hand, what would you have?
A: My undivided attention.
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[VLRGA]

A lot of these I copy and paste, but this one I know from the top of my head:

When you've had butt sex for seven days, it makes one hole weak!

[deed rape]

It was the first day of school and a new 4th grade student named Pedro.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher.

"Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"

Again, no response except from Pedro. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the students, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new, knows more about history than you do!"

A student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
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This message was brought to you by:
xIJ33clIz4p3x
(Deed Rape)

[angusrocks5]

The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "the female has two breasts and one vagina."

She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."

Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher."

"Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Johnny?" begged the teacher.

My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny., "One that's about three inches long that he pees with, and another one that's about eight inches long that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with!"





A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says... "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"
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"We're a rock group. we're noisy, rowdy, sensational and weird"

Angus Young

[Maniac1075]

Q: Why dont young girls fart?
A: they get an asshole till there married!
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[VLRGA]

Q. How do you know if your young son will grow up to be gay?

A. His favorite nursery rhyme is "Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub!"

[Maniac1075]

A straight guy walks into a gay pub, but he doesnt know its a queer place. He orders a beer and sits down next to 2 poofs. They all have there drinks and the first poof lets go a tiny little girly fart *boop* the second poof cocks his leg and lets go a sqealy pethitic liitle *pip* the straight guy cocks his leg and lets go a rip roaring, "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPP* the two poofs eyes explode wide and scream, "OHH, I VIRGIN!!!!!!"
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[MsLisa]

Little Johnny was sitting in the back of his classroom and was squirming a bit causing a slight ruckus.... the teacher goes to his desk and asks him what is going on, he whispers to her "i just got circumsized and its still bothering me" so she tells him to go to the nurse and to call his mom to see if he can go home. about fifteen minutes pass and he comes back to class and after a little bit the teacher notices once again hes causing a ruckus in the students around him, she goes to his desk and sees him sitting there with his pecker hanging out of his pants. she asks him what he is doing and he replies "mom said if i could stick it out till noon she would come and get me"

[angusrocks5]

"Mum," says little Johnny, "Sharon and Dave were fighting an eel last night."

"What do you mean?" asks his mum thinking he must have had a dream about his big sister and her boyfriend.

"Well," says Johnny, "I was sneaking down to the fridge last night when I saw them.

They were hugging with most of the lights off when Sharon's face started to go a bit funny.

Dave must have known this because he put his hand up her blouse to feel her heart. It took him a long time to find it and by this time he was sick too because he looked hot and his face was funny.

His other hand was getting cold, I know that because he put it up her skirt. Then I saw what was making them sick.

This big eel had got into Dave's jeans . I know it worried them because when it sprang out, Sharon sat back on the couch and said, 'Oh bloody hell, it's huge.'

Dave grabbed her hair and she tried to bite its head off but soon she made a noise and let it go. It must have bitten her back.

Sharon grabbed it tight and held it with both hands and Dave got something out of his pocket. I couldn't see that bit too well but it looked like he was trying to tie it up.

They had a go at killing it but the eel put up a hell of a fight.

Sharon got her legs round it, better than world wrestling that grip she had, and Dave was bouncing up and down on top trying to crush it.

They were really getting a good sweat on and moaning and stuff. In the end, Dave gave his huge grunt and it all stopped. The eel was lying there when he rolled off.

Sharon must have been scared by this because Dave had to cuddle and kiss her a bit to bring her round. He felt for her heart again to check she was alright but just when she'd started to mumble a bit, bugger me if that eel didn't stand up again.

The eel didn't seem to have as much energy but it didn't half struggle and in the end Sharon did Dave's job.

She sat on it and bounced up and down for about half an hour, the sweat was rolling off her, and she kept gasping hard for breath and moaning and everything, Dave had to keep checking her heart but he couldn't remember which side of her chest it was and he kept reaching for both sides.

It took ages but this time they really did kill the thing. I know that because right afterwards, Dave skinned it and flushed it away."

_________________
"We're a rock group. we're noisy, rowdy, sensational and weird"

Angus Young

[MsLisa]

hmmmm thats not the way i remember that story lol i've read a slightly different version of it

[VLRGA]

Q: Who made the first soft drink?
A: Adam. He made Eve's cherry pop.

Q: Who was the first carpenter?
A: Eve. She made Adam's banana stand.